Comedic Monologues for Women

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Comedic Monologues for Women

Here are some examples of short comedic monologue for women you can use to practice.

Comedic Monologue for Women 1: Happy Gilmore

Monologue Length: 1 minute

Cher: So, OK, like right now, for example, the Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all “What about the strain on our resources?” But it’s like, when I had this garden party for my father’s birthday right? I said R.S.V.P. because it was a sit-down dinner. But people came that like, did not R.S.V.P. so I was like, totally buggin’. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, squish in extra place settings, but by the end of the day it was like, the more the merrier! And so, if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion, may I please remind you that it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty?

Comedic Monologue for Women 2: 101 Dalmatians

Monologue Length: 1 minutes

Cruella: You beasts! But I’m not beaten yet. You’ve won the battle, but I’m about to win the wardrobe. My spotty puppy coat is in plain sight and leaving tracks. In a moment I’ll have what I came for, while all of you will end up as sausage meat, alone on some sad, plastic plate. Dead and medium red. No friends, no family, no pulse. Just slapped between two buns, smothered in onions, with fries on the side. Cruella De Vil has the last laugh!

Comedic Monologue for Women 3: Confessions of a Shopaholic

Monologue Length: 3 minutes

Rebecca: Let’s … suppose I’m in a clothes shop! I’m in a clothes shop and I’ve chosen a wonderful cashmere Nicole Farhi coat. Okay? Okay, so imagine I’m standing in the checkout queue, minding my own business, when a sales assistant comes up to me and says, “Why not buy this other coat instead? It’s better quality-and I’ll throw in a free bottle of perfume.” I’ve got no reason to distrust the sales assistant, so I think, wonderful, and I buy the other coat. But when I get outside, I discover that this other coat isn’t Nicole Farhi and isn’t real cashmere.

I go back in-and the shop won’t give me a refund. I was ripped off. And the point is, so were thousands of Flagstaff Life customers. They were persuaded out of their original choice of investment, into a fund which left them £20,000 worse off. Perhaps Flagstaff Life didn’t break the law. Perhaps they didn’t contravene any regulations. But there’s a natural justice in this world, and they didn’t just break that, they shattered it. Those customers deserved that windfall. They were loyal, long-standing customers and they deserved it. And if you’re honest, Luke Brandon, you know they deserved it.

Other Things You Need to Know

How to Start Acting with No Experience

How to Find Auditions for Acting

Audition Tips for Actors


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